i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
