what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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