you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
