It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
