Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
