My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
