I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
