Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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