So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
