No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
