Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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