You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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