Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
