I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
