i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
