It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
