thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Holy shit dude........stairs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
