You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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