i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
