I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
