So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
