it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He shit in the fireplace
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