if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
