If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
