I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
