I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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