If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
