I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
