maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
