Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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