Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
