Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's rum buckets o'clock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
