I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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