Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
