Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
