The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
