i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
