why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
