One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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