I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
