And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
