i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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