but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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