im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
