Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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