Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
