There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
