sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
