Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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