Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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