ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
