She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
