Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
